SMART SON

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig
his tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was
hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in
prison.


The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his
predicament.


Dear Vincenzo,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to
plant my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would
Be over. I know you would dig the garden for me.

Love,
Pa



A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Pa,

Not for nothing, but please do not dig up that garden. That's
where I buried the bodies. Love,
Vinnie



At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug
up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized
to the old man and left. The same day the old man received
another letter from his son.


Dear Pa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do
under the circumstances.

Love , Vinny



FLIGHT ATTENDENT

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who
seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle
and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll
be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you
could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and
rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you
didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise
your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
Princess and I take orders from no one," to which (I swear) the
flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well,
sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, bitch."



DARK IN HERE

Woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy, and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy: "$750"
Man: "Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy: "$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church, and the father makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth, and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that s**t again, you're in MY closet now!


THE EFFECTS
A woman walked into a Lexus dealership to browse, and spotted the most beautiful, perfectly “loaded” Lexus.

She walked over to inspect it more closely. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of flatulence escaped her.

Very embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed.

There, standing right behind her, was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, “Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?”

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?”

Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, “Madame, I’m very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you’re gonna sh*t when you hear the price.



PINK CURTAINS

A Blonde enters a store that sells curtains.She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."


The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blond seems to be having a hard time choosing Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.


The blond promptly replies, "fifteen inches."


"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?" The blond tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor.


The surprised salesman replies, "But Miss, computers do not need curtains!"


The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo. I've got Windoooooows!"

does anyone know any RLC jokes?
Maybe we should make some up-couldn't be too hard right?